The Big Questions of Life
by Om Swami
“The river of life flows independently of one’s preferences. Whether you flow, float, swim or sink, it’s your personal choice.”
“The wheel of time churns relentlessly. Moments gone will never come back. So act wisely and mindfully in the present.”
Om Swami’s The Big Questions of Life is ambitious yet approachable. It covers much but is under two hundred pages. It can be read in a couple days, straight through, or can just as easily be picked up and digested non-linearly chapter by chapter. The book offers insights into everyday motivations, thoughts, emotions, and actions without having a main thesis. It does this through applicable parables, anecdotes, and sayings. Little in the book is revolutionary or novel yet it is packaged together to form a compelling vision in which to approach one’s life. Swami covers suffering, regret, strength through struggle, happiness, potential, perspective, and yes, enlightenment. Spoiler alert: the latter is not a singular event but is the result of hard work and daily discipline. Even then, he warns, enlightenment is not the panacea most think.
Of the many stories and parables Swami embeds throughout the book, three really stuck with me. One has to do with struggle. Just as a caterpillar cannot turn into a butterfly without effort, we cannot grow into resilient people without going through some pain. We will be stronger and better because of our adversity. Another story relates to a unique method for measuring time and its impermanence. Fill a large jar with marbles, each one representing a week. Use as many marbles as you’d like, representing a predetermined date in the future. Each week, discard one marble and watch time vanish. I have been using this method for several years and it is one of the most powerful reminders that I need to get off my butt and take full advantage of the time God has given to me. The last one is worth going into detail just because it perfectly illustrates the goal of The Gentlemen’s Reading List. Swami cites the story from Thich Nhat Hahn’s Being Peace. I cannot retell it better so here is Swami’s version:
The Buddha once told a story about a young man who was a trader and had a beautiful wife and baby boy. Sadly, his wife fell ill and died, and the man poured all his love into his little child, who became the sole source of his happiness and joy. Once, while he went away on business, bandits raided his village, burned it to the ground and captured his five-year-old son. When he returned and saw the devastation, he was beside himself with grief. He found the charred corpse of a small child, and in his desperation, he took it for the body of his son. He tore at his hair and beat his chest, weeping uncontrollably. At last, he arranged a cremation ceremony, collected the ashes, and put them in a pouch made of very precious silk. Whether he was working, sleeping or eating, he always carried that bag of ashes with him. And often, he would sit alone and weep for hours. One day, his son escaped from the bandits and found his way home. It was midnight when he arrived at his father’s new house and knocked on its door. The man was in bed, sobbing, the bag of ashes by his side. ‘Who is it?’ he asked. The child answered, ‘It’s me, daddy, it’s your son. Open the door.’ In his anguish and confusion, all that the father could think of was that some malicious boy was playing a cruel trick on him. ‘Go away,’ he shouted, ‘leave me alone.’ Then he started to cry once more. Again and again the boy knocked, but the father refused to let him in. Finally, he turned back slowly and walked away. The father and son never saw one another ever again. When he came to the end of his story, the Buddha said, ‘Sometime, somewhere you take something to be the truth. But if you cling to it too strongly, then even when the truth comes in person and knocks on your door, you will not open it.’
Wow! That really hit me. How often are we blinded by what we think we know? How often do we dismiss facts because they run counter to what we think are certain truths? Ask yourself, what opinions, dogmas, or beliefs do you hold so deeply that you are unwilling to open the door and accept a different reality? The fractured society we live in is frustrating and maddening. Politics, religion, class, gender, race, sexual orientation, regions, urban, rural, and even sports: we have done a fantastic job of finding all the societal cleavages and deepening them. Each identity carries with it deeply held truths. And these “truths” blind us to other realities. It has taken me a long time to realize it, but I have been wrong. I was and am wrong about so many things. There are things I am wrong about that I don’t yet know I am wrong about. But after forty-plus years, I am finally OK with that. There are opinions I hold which need revision as new facts, previously unknown, emerge. I now accept that certain “truths” need not be sacred. It took me years of soul searching but I now re-question what I think I know regarding politics, religion, parenting, marriage, and other societal issues. I did not shut the door and sometimes I have changed my mind. The facts simply ran counter to what I originally thought. And I am OK with that. Other opinions have not changed. They’ve held up to questioning and self-reflection. And that is OK too.
It turns out, I am much happier when I don’t have to defend, justify, and contort my opinions to fit into a closely held reality. As gentlemen, let’s open the door. At least we’ll be able to examine and determine for ourselves what is true. A long-lost truth may just be waiting for us.